What Carmilla Means to Me

In case you can’t tell, I’m a huge fan of Carmilla.

When I binged the first 20 episodes of the-little-web-series-that-could, I had no idea that nearly four years later, I’d start a podcast dedicated to discussing a show and movie I’ve seen countless times.

Although Laura and Carmilla don’t come out on screen, when I reflect on why I love this show as much as I do, I think back to what it was like for me when I was a confused, clueless, closeted teenager.

Part of the reason it took me so long to figure out what why I was different from my friends, was the complete lack of queer women on tv or in movies for me to identify with. I’m sure that if Carmilla was around when I was struggling to figure out my sexuality, it wouldn’t have taken me until my mid-twenties to realize I’m a lesbian.

Being an old time-y gay means that I've suffered through a lot of shitty storylines and terrible writing just to get a sliver of representation. There are other shows and other ships that mean a lot to me (hell I met my wife through another fandom), but not like this.

Laura and Carmilla’s story isn’t a punchline, a throwaway plot device, something for a show to get ratings or a story filled with tired and dangerous tropes.

Laura and Carmilla are the story of the show.

Not only that, we get to watch them grow and change outside of who they are as a couple. They might start as clichés – a plucky do-gooder and broody vampire – but, when we get to the end of their journey they are fully developed characters.

In three seasons of Carmilla and the movie, we get a front row seat to Hollstein’s romance, to their issues and to the way they come together at the end. Out of mortal danger, vampires, and a fantasy world, we get a couple that is real and impactful.

Laura and Carmilla aren’t perfect (boy is that an understatement) and that’s kind of the point. They are flawed people who are trying to figure things out – who can’t relate to that?

I want to thank the creators of Carmilla as well as Elise and Natasha for giving me a show and a couple that I will always come back to.

I hope that we’ll be lucky to have more Carmilla to watch, whether as a tv show or something else. Even if that doesn’t happen though, what we’ve been given has left me satisfied.

And that’s something I will always be grateful for.